ROSES, STEMS AND THORNS
(A WORD ON GOSSIP)

A girl was visited by a friend who proceeded to confide in her.

“I know I can trust you,” said the friend. “I really need to talk to someone and have them pray for me.”

The girl listened intently to each word, being careful not to miss a single one.

At the close of the conversation, the friend presented the girl with a long-stemmed rose and said, “My trust in you is as fragrant as this flower. My heart is as delicate. A part of my life has been placed in your care.”

With a final “thank you,” the friend left.

The girl thought about all the things told her as she held onto the rose.

The phone rang. An acquaintance from church called to say, “Hello.” Before hanging up the phone, the girl said, “I really need you to pray for my friend.” She then proceeded to share a couple of rose petals with the acquaintance.

A few minutes later, a neighbor stopped by. The neighbor shared her concern about another neighbor. As the girl listened, she thought of her friend and offered, “My friend’s going through the same thing.” Within minutes, the girl had shared a few more delicate rose petals before the neighbor left.

Shortly thereafter, the girl left home to visit another good friend. Soon after arriving, the other friend asked, “So, how’s your friend been doing?”

“Well,” said the girl, “she’s really been having a hard time.” Again, she shared a few more fragrant petals from the once beautiful rose.

The girl’s next stop was the grocery store. Pushing her grocery cart, she saw Mrs. Mouth at the opposite end of the aisle. The girl thought to herself, “This is the last person I want to be identified with. Why, she tells everything and if she doesn’t know it, she makes it up.” She wanted to turn around, but it was too late. Mrs. Mouth recognized her and waved as she hurried toward her.

Mrs. Mouth asked, “Have you heard about ‘so-and-so’?”

“No,” said the girl wearily as she propped her arms on the cart to listen. She was surprised at what she heard and thought to herself, “I sure didn’t know they were that type of person.”

Slowing down to take a breath, Mrs. Mouth said, “Gotta run, but just one more thing. Have you heard what’s been going on with your friend?”

As the girl listened to what Mrs. Mouth told her, the last remaining rose petals fell to the ground. What Mrs. Mouth said was not the truth. Even though Mrs. Mouth had been the one to speak this, the girl felt responsible.

As Mrs. Mouth left, the girl was left holding a stem of thorns. There was no fragrance of trust remaining, for she had betrayed that trust as she shared the petals of her friend’s heart. Try as she might, she’d never be able to collect the petals that had been lost, restore their fragrance, or attach them to the stem of thorns.

Gossip comes in many forms. No matter how it is disguised or what the motive is, gossip is gossip. Although most of us can identify with at least one of the characters or situations in the word picture, we would agree that gossip is far from a godly characteristic. In fact, the word gossips in the Greek is diabolos. It means traducer, special Satan, false accuser, devil, or slanderer.

Father is preparing a spotless bride – of which we are a part. He desires to “redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds” (Titus 2:14, NASB). He desires to work in us and through us. He has chosen to work through people since the beginning of time. However, we can’t be His mouthpiece when gossip comes from our mouths. Whether gossip spews or seeps from our lips is beside the point. He desires to speak through us without having to wade through the muck of gossip. His truth and love needs to be ministered – pure and untainted. Proverbs 15:4 says, “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit” (NIV). Not only are others wounded when we partake of gossip, so are we.

While some people may admit to listening to gossip or even sharing it occasionally, others are sure it has no place in their lives. However, it is very subtle. How else, but subtly, could the Father of Lies get Christians to try on and even wear his foul garment? Even though we may say we want no part of it, we must guard against being influenced by it.

If we’re not careful, we’ll put on the dirty garment of gossip and wear it. Eventually, we’ll become reluctant to take it off. We must never put this garment on. And if we’re wearing it, we must take it off. Now! And if we’re tempted to put it on every once in a while, then we must allow Father to burn it. As people bearing our redeemer’s name, we certainly want no part of this foul-smelling garment – “for we are to be reverent in our behavior, not malicious gossips” (Titus 2:3, NASB).

However, if we’re not careful, we – like the girl – may fall into one of these traps.

PRAYER REQUESTS

While the girl may have been quite sincere in asking for prayer for her friend, the details of the prayer request should have remained confidential. When we are asked to pray, we need to pray. If someone trusts us enough to ask us to pray, then it’s not a coincidence. God will honor the prayer of a righteous person. Proverbs 10:20 tells us that, “The tongue of the righteous is as choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value” (NIV). We want to be the choice silver with which Father serves others, but how righteous are we when we betray a confidence? (Is betrayal not wicked?) No matter how inadequate we feel, God is trying to work in us and through us. If He had wanted to work in and through our friend, He’d have led the person to share with our friend. So let’s not alert another person ... or the prayer chain.

Prayer chains can be a wonderful and effective tool; however, we must not let them become a disguise for gossip. We are to let the person decide whether or not to alert the prayer chain. Besides, in the time it takes us to alert the prayer chain, we could have already prayed.

I’ve had numerous occasions when others have called to share “confidential” prayer requests involving a third party. I used to feel “honored” that I was trusted, but when I realized that confidences were being betrayed, I became “irked.”

I remember one time in particular that someone confided a personal prayer concern. She also told me that she was seeking counsel from another person. When a friend called and asked how the other person (with whom she was barely acquainted) was, I was surprised and wondered why she even asked until she proceeded to tell me, “I know all about it. I was asked to intercede for this situation,” by the person giving counsel.

SHARING TESTIMONIES

The girl volunteered information about her friend’s private life to her neighbor – perhaps to help or perhaps not. It’s true that testimonies can be a tremendous blessing to someone. However, when we want to share a testimony, we need to share our own – unless of course the other party has chosen to make this facet of their life public.

We must weigh our motive for sharing someone else’s life very carefully. Are we sharing because we genuinely want to help of are we merely making associations in the course of the conversation? If we genuinely want to help, we can always say, “I know someone who dealt with a similar concern. Would you mind if I asked them to get in touch with you?” After all, the main concern should be that the person is effectively ministered to – not that we minister.

God will give us many opportunities as we are able to deal with them and can be trusted with them. We are not all equipped to deal with every need in another’s life. Do we want to “help” out of our own expertise or allow Him to help – whether or not it is through us?

SHARING WITH MUTUAL FRIENDS

We, like the girl, may find it easy when we have mutual friends to share how the other is doing. We must be careful that we don’t share too much.

There are times when people ask out of genuine concern. Unless we know it is okay for us to share certain information, we are not to share it. And if we feel uncertain or uncomfortable, we don’t need to share it. We can always encourage the person asking by responding, “They’re doing fine” or “Keep them in your prayers.”

I remember a time someone shared a personal situation with several friends – including myself. At times, I found myself entering into a conversation to discuss this person when these friends asked how she was doing. I’m glad Holy Spirit revealed the truth of the situation to me. It was gossip!

Remember, the question is not whether or not something is common knowledge, but whether or not the person wants us to share (or discuss) this particular facet of their life.

If we sense someone is prying for information, we should avoid giving any information. If we don’t trust their motive, then we should not trust them with information. We can always say, “I don’t feel it’s my place to discuss this.” If they are persistent and chide, “Come on, you can tell me,” simply respond, “If you’re that concerned, then ask them.” Then, walk away and pray!

LISTENING TO GOSSIP

Most of us would prefer not to be identified as “Mrs. Mouth” or one who keeps company with those who, like her, gossip. I remember hearing a long time ago, “Those who gossip with you will gossip about you.” Similarly, Proverbs 20:19 warns us, “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much” (NIV). While we may not be able to stop another person from gossiping, we can choose whether or not we listen to it. Everything we take in, whether by our eyes or ears, affects us. Most of us wouldn’t think of watching a dirty movie or listening to profanity. They pollute our spirit. If we feed our spirit pollution, it can damage or retard the growth of anything good. The same is true of gossip. Even though we may not feed on a constant diet of gossip, those small appetizers poison our spirit and can spill out onto the lives of others.

I remember a time when an acquaintance from church called to tell me about the marital difficulties of one of my co-workers. I didn’t want to be rude or offend the lady, so I listened. I couldn’t quite understand why she called because I wasn’t close friends with either person. She ended the one-sided conversation with, “I just thought you’d want to know.” At the beginning of the conversation, I should have politely said, “No, I didn’t know, but I’ll be sure to keep them in my prayers. Thanks for calling. Good-bye!” With any persistence on the lady’s part, I could have responded, “I really don’t need to hear this. It’s not any of my business.” In listening to this gossip, I chose to take part in it.

What we hear about another person, whether or not it is true, will forever change the way we think about and relate to that person. While there may be times that we need to know something, we need to be very discreet concerning what we “hear” and from whom we hear it.

When our mind is clouded with gossip, we are more likely to hear it rather than Holy Spirit concerning a person. And, to whose voice would we rather listen - the voice of gossip of the voice of Holy Spirit?

If we find ourselves in a place where we hear more about another person from some source other than Holy Spirit (unless that is the job Christ has ordained for you), we need to evaluate and possibly change our position. Consider the following places and situations: the work lounge, restrooms – even at church, a prayer line – as others are being ministered to, as someone is sharing a personal prayer concern with someone else, or an intercessory prayer meeting.

I’M NOT THE ONE GOSSIPING

Perhaps some of us feel like the friend in our word picture. If we are the object of gossip, we must leave it in Father’s hands. We are to bless those who curse us and pray for those who mistreat us (see Matthew 5:44, Luke 6:28 and Romans 12:14). We must forgive the person involved and ask Father to heal us. When the matter is placed in His hands and left there, He will “handle” it. If we try to defend or justify ourselves, then we take it out of His hands. The choice is ours; however, all things are better off in His hands.

We must be careful not to allow questions of “why” to consume our thoughts. It is at these times that we must pray. Besides, the motives of another person are really not important. What is important is how we choose to respond. God knows our hurt – and our hearts – and will take care of them.

We must not try to “cure” other people of gossip. We must ask Holy Spirit to deal with us in this matter. We can’t go clean someone else’s house before our own is clean. Besides, the Word is clear – we are not to try to remove the speck from someone else’s eye when we have a log in our own eye (see Matthew 7:3-5 and Luke 6:41-42). Our vision and perception of the issue at hand may be blurred due to issues in our own life. Father will deal with us and He’ll deal with others.

I MUST SAY “SOMETHING”

There may be times that we feel we must say “something” to someone regarding gossip. At these times, we must be sure to seek Father before we seek the person. If He leads us to confront someone, we must do so out of love.

God is love. When we are conformed to His character, His love is manifested through us – even when we gently confront someone with His truth. James 5:19-20 says, “My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth, and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the effort of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins” (NASB). This is not our license to point out someone’s shortcomings, but rather our opportunity to manifest Christ’s love to them.

Jesus was always around those who had “strayed” in some way or another; however, they were always comfortable around the sinless One. He neither condoned their sin nor condemned them. While they listed to His words, they experienced His love. They didn’t feel condemnation (from His words); they felt conviction that led to change (from His love). When we walk in the character of Jesus, others will experience His love through us. It is His love that “covers a multitude of sins,” (1 Peter 4:8, NASB).

REMEMBER THE ROSE

The rose is a fragrant and beautiful flower. The same stem with no petals, when twisted, can be made into a crown of thorns. The One who wore our crown of thorns is the same One who forgives us and changes us – when we entrust all the roses in life’s garden to Him. On our own, we may not be able to change what we say, but God can. He only needs all of us – roses, stems, and thorns – yielded to Him.

PRAYER

If you desire to yield this part of your life to Him, pray this prayer and expect results!

Father, I come to you through your precious Son, Yeshua. Search me and test my heart. I yield to you – my heart, my will, my mouth, my desires, my all. See if there is any offensive way in me – including gossip. Lord, I want to think on and speak of those things which are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. Give me a pure heart, for it is out of my heart that my mouth speaks. Season my speech, for I want to speak blessings to you and others. I need you to work in me and desire you to work through me. Show me those things of which I need to repent. I repent of _____________. May I not repeat these sins again. Help m to forgive _________________ for_____________ and heal my wound. In Yeshua’s name I pray. Thank you, Father. Amen.