ROSES, STEMS AND THORNS
(A WORD ON GOSSIP)

A girl was visited by a friend who proceeded to confide in her.

“I know I can trust you,” said the friend. “I really need to talk to someone and have them pray for me.”

The girl listened intently to each word, being careful not to miss a single one.

At the close of the conversation, the friend presented the girl with a long-stemmed rose and said, “My trust in you is as fragrant as this flower. My heart is as delicate. A part of my life has been placed in your care.”

With a final “thank you,” the friend left.

The girl thought about all the things told her as she held onto the rose.

The phone rang. An acquaintance from church called to say, “Hello.” Before hanging up the phone, the girl said, “I really need you to pray for my friend.” She then proceeded to share a couple of rose petals with the acquaintance.

A few minutes later, a neighbor stopped by. The neighbor shared her concern about another neighbor. As the girl listened, she thought of her friend and offered, “My friend’s going through the same thing.” Within minutes, the girl had shared a few more delicate rose petals before the neighbor left.

Shortly thereafter, the girl left home to visit another good friend. Soon after arriving, the other friend asked, “So, how’s your friend been doing?”

“Well,” said the girl, “she’s really been having a hard time.” Again, she shared a few more fragrant petals from the once beautiful rose.

The girl’s next stop was the grocery store. Pushing her grocery cart, she saw Mrs. Mouth at the opposite end of the aisle. The girl thought to herself, “This is the last person I want to be identified with. Why, she tells everything and if she doesn’t know it, she makes it up.” She wanted to turn around, but it was too late. Mrs. Mouth recognized her and waved as she hurried toward her.

Mrs. Mouth asked, “Have you heard about ‘so-and-so’?”

“No,” said the girl wearily as she propped her arms on the cart to listen. She was surprised at what she heard and thought to herself, “I sure didn’t know they were that type of person.”

Slowing down to take a breath, Mrs. Mouth said, “Gotta run, but just one more thing. Have you heard what’s been going on with your friend?”

As the girl listened to what Mrs. Mouth told her, the last remaining rose petals fell to the ground. What Mrs. Mouth said was not the truth. Even though Mrs. Mouth had been the one to speak this, the girl felt responsible.

As Mrs. Mouth left, the girl was left holding a stem of thorns. There was no fragrance of trust remaining, for she had betrayed that trust as she shared the petals of her friend’s heart. Try as she might, she’d never be able to collect the petals that had been lost, restore their fragrance, or attach them to the stem of thorns.

Gossip comes in many forms. No matter how it is disguised or what the motive is, gossip is gossip. Although most of us can identify with at least one of the characters or situations in the word picture, we would agree that gossip is far from a godly characteristic. In fact, the word gossips in the Greek is diabolos. It means traducer, special Satan, false accuser, devil, or slanderer.

Father is preparing a spotless bride – of which we are a part. He desires to “redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds” (Titus 2:14, NASB). He desires to work in us and through us. He has chosen to work through people since the beginning of time. However, we can’t be His mouthpiece when gossip comes from our mouths. Whether gossip spews or seeps from our lips is beside the point. He desires to speak through us without having to wade through the muck of gossip. His truth and love needs to be ministered – pure and untainted. Proverbs 15:4 says, “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit” (NIV). Not only are others wounded when we partake of gossip, so are we.

While some people may admit to listening to gossip or even sharing it occasionally, others are sure it has no place in their lives. However, it is very subtle. How else, but subtly, could the Father of Lies get Christians to try on and even wear his foul garment? Even though we may say we want no part of it, we must guard against being influenced by it.

If we’re not careful, we’ll put on the dirty garment of gossip and wear it. Eventually, we’ll become reluctant to take it off. We must never put this garment on. And if we’re wearing it, we must take it off. Now! And if we’re tempted to put it on every once in a while, then we must allow Father to burn it. As people bearing our redeemer’s name, we certainly want no part of this foul-smelling garment – “for we are to be reverent in our behavior, not malicious gossips” (Titus 2:3, NASB).

However, if we’re not careful, we – like the girl – may fall into one of these traps.

PRAYER REQUESTS

While the girl may have been quite sincere in asking for prayer for her friend, the details of the prayer request should have remained confidential. When we are asked to pray, we need to pray. If someone trusts us enough to ask us to pray, then it’s not a coincidence. God will honor the prayer of a righteous person. Proverbs 10:20 tells us that, “The tongue of the righteous is as choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value” (NIV). We want to be the choice silver with which Father serves others, but how righteous are we when we betray a confidence? (Is betrayal not wicked?) No matter how inadequate we feel, God is trying to work in us and through us. If He had wanted to work in and through our friend, He’d have led the person to share with our friend. So let’s not alert another person ... or the prayer chain.

Prayer chains can be a wonderful and effective tool; however, we must not let them become a disguise for gossip. We are to let the person decide whether or not to alert the prayer chain. Besides, in the time it takes us to alert the prayer chain, we could have already prayed.

I’ve had numerous occasions when others have called to share “confidential” prayer requests involving a third party. I used to feel “honored” that I was trusted, but when I realized that confidences were being betrayed, I became “irked.”

I remember one time in particular that someone confided a personal prayer concern. She also told me that she was seeking counsel from another person. When a friend called and asked how the other person (with whom she was barely acquainted) was, I was surprised and wondered why she even asked until she proceeded to tell me, “I know all about it. I was asked to intercede for this situation,” by the person giving counsel.

SHARING TESTIMONIES

The girl volunteered information about her friend’s private life to her neighbor – perhaps to help or perhaps not. It’s true that testimonies can be a tremendous blessing to someone. However, when we want to share a testimony, we need to share our own – unless of course the other party has chosen to make this facet of their life public.

We must weigh our motive for sharing someone else’s life very carefully. Are we sharing because we genuinely want to help of are we merely making associations in the course of the conversation? If we genuinely want to help, we can always say, “I know someone who dealt with a similar concern. Would you mind if I asked them to get