The TIMES OF refreshing

Chosen One Outreach Ministries Publisher Shearon Roach www.timeofrefreshing.com Issue No. 5 Date 03/04/03

LETTING GO

Isa 42:9 Behold, the former things are come to pass, and new things do I declare:
before they spring forth I tell you of them.

“..And I am telling you, I’m not going”

Although Jennifer Holliday really belted out this song, the words sadden me. Here we have a man wanting out of the relationship, and she wasn’t ready for it. She wasn’t having it, and wasn’t going to let him out of it. She was going to hold onto him no matter what. She was going to keep him in her life no matter what she had to give up for him. No matter how much it cost her, she was not letting that man go. And so it is with many of us single women today. Why is it that we want to hold onto someone that doesn’t want us? Why have we allowed our self esteem to get so low that we cling to that which is bad for us, just to have a man by our side?

This is not healthy, a relationship like this will drain us, it eventually leaves us feeling worse than if we had just let the man go, dealt with the pain, and moved on. But because we desired to stay we not only have the pain to deal with, we now have to deal with shame, and humiliation. Why, because eventually the very thing we are trying to hold onto will give us the boot, whether we want it or not. It’s really not up to us.

And I am telling you I'm not going
Even though the rough times are showing

You want to be loved so badly that you have even learned to be romantic about the bad parts of the relationship. Why, because the fussing and fighting always led to romantic sessions afterwards. You look over each time he causes you pain, because you are remembering what he did afterwards to make it up to you. Instead of remembering how bad he hurt you, you dwell on all the promises (lies) he whispered in your ear the night before. Later you think back on what he did and it hurts, but the thought of him not being there hurts more than what he actually did. It’s just too much pain to bear, so you continue in the relationship, because you are not waking up alone.

I'm not waking up tomorrow morning
And finding that there's nobody there

Some of us love clinging to the pain we have gone through. It just hurts sooo good. We make ourselves at home in it. By clinging to the pain you are not making the one who offended you feel bad. You think if only he knew how his actions affected me he wouldn’t do it again. Wrong! He knows the pain he has caused you, it’s what he does. Whether you realize it or not he enjoys it, he puts another notch in his belt and brags to his friends. It somehow makes him feel more like a man when talking about it with the fellows (or so he thinks). And while you are trying to figure out what you did wrong, (and how to get him back) he has moved on to his next victim. He is spreading his love (or so called love) with someone else. Doing to them what he has done to you. You’ve become a part of his past until… the woman in his next relationship starts pushing his buttons, asking for commitment, demanding that he does his part in the relationship.

Well there is no need for him to put up with that, because he has you, good old faithful. He knows you will take him back. So he calls you, speaks loving words in your ear, telling you that he made a mistake and no woman could ever make him feel that way you did. Can you give him one more chance? So what do you do? That’s right, you take him back and the cycle starts all over again. You see he hasn’t really left the other woman, not completely. Oh no, he has enough love to spread around. He’s like the old women in the shoe, he has so many women he doesn’t know what to do. He has enough to share, and you allow him to do it. Oh you tell your girlfriends that you aren’t going to fool with him, but behind closed doors you do.

 
Tear down the mountains
Yell, scream and shout
You can say what you want
I'm not walking out

Stop all the rivers
Push, strike and kill
I'm not gonna leave you
There's no way I will

You see all the time you are loving him he’s busy loving someone else. What do you have to show for it? So you say you have his child, so does she. So you say he’s home with you at night, where is he when you are at work? So you say he paid the rent this month, he’s been paying hers the past few months. There are no guarantees in loving any man, it’s a chance we all will take. But with God, you can have love everlasting. Why, because He first loved us. For God so loved the world He gave His only begotten Son.

If you will allow Him, He will guide you into the most beautiful relationship you can ever have. If you will allow Him time, He will get the right man ready for you. He will love you the way the Lord meant for man to love women. That’s if you will allow Him to do this for you.

Yet most of us insist on finding the man ourselves. Oh what needless pain we bear, trying to make it work, trying to force a square peg into a round hole. Trying to fool the world that it doesn’t hurt. You can’t lift yourself up, but God can. Stop denying what you are going through. You are only fooling yourself. Stop denying the pain, admit it, and humble yourself before the Lord. Stop telling your friends about it over and over again. The more you talk about it with friends the more it will hurt. Stop having pity parties, they can’t heal you, God can. Stop clinging to the old stuff, and let it go. Stop clinging to your pain.

Give it to the Lord, and allow him to restore you. Allow Him to minister to you, allow Him to remove the pain. Your friends won’t be there in the midnight hour, when it hurts the most.

Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon Him; for he careth for you. (1Pe 5:6-7)

Give the pain to the Lord and allow Him to turn it into something for His Glory. Surrender all that hurt, all that pain to the Lord, allow Him to turn it into blessings for His kingdom. Allow that pain to be your stepping stone to victory, to a new beginning. Allow the Lord to turn that bad relationship into a beautiful everlasting love life with Him. What the enemy thought was hurting you, will actually turn into a healing stream. Go ahead wade in it, it was made for you.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God,
to them who are the called according to His purpose. (Rom 8:28)

And when the Lord has healed your heart, you need to forgive the person. Don’t hold the person prisoner with your silent treatment, or with your anger. You are only hurting yourself, binding yourself and hindering your blessings. Holding others hostage to their offenses puts God in remembrance of your offense towards another, and you don’t want to do that.

Deal with the offenses, if you don’t they will resurface at a time when you don’t want them to. Is there a blessing God is getting ready to bless you with? Then you had better deal with the offense, if not the enemy may cause you to blow your blessing. Believe me your bitterness is not worth you missing your blessings. Unforgiveness will cause you to block your relationship with others; it will cause you not to trust those who truly love you. You must forgive, God requires it:

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen. (Mat. 6:12-13)

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Mat. 6:14 –15)

Now that you are healed, and you have forgiven the person, begin to listen to what God is saying to you. If we listen to the Lord, we will not be misled, we sometimes mislead ourselves, but He won’t mislead us. Respect what we hear, follow what He tells us. Be obedient to His will.

Give yourself what we need by having faith in the Lord. We need faith to get on with our lives, and we need to do a little each day to begin to move forward. Pray. Hold out your hands, stretch your arms up to the heavens, and allow the Holy Spirit to pry your hands off the person in your life that is causing you so much pain. In order to move on you have to let go. Stretch out to the Lord, give it to Him. Lean not unto our own understanding.

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Pro 3:5 –6)

Start taking care of yourself, start doing things that make you happy. Set aside some Jesus time and some me time. Give yourself what feels good. Pray and take care of you. .

Now, kiss that bad relationship good bye and say:

Well I'm not gon' cry, I'm not gon' cry
I'm not gon' shed no tears
No, I'm not gon' cry, it's not the time
Cuz your not worth my tears

…and mean it!

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Come on ladies “it’s morning time”!

Shared Readings

I AM RESPONSIBLE

I am responsible for myself; I am responsible for leading or not living my life.
I am responsible for tending to my spiritual, emotional, physical, and financial well-being.
I am responsible for identifying and meeting my needs.
I am responsible for solving my problems or learning to live with those I cannot solve.
I am responsible for my choices.

I am responsible for what I give and receive.
I am also responsible for setting and achieving my goals.

I am responsible for how much I enjoy life.
I am responsible for whom I love and how I choose to express this love.
I am responsible for what I do to others and for what I allow others to do to me.

I am responsible for my wants and desires. All of me, every aspect of my being, is important.
I count for something, I matter. My feelings can be trusted. My thinking is appropriate.

I value my wants and needs. I do not deserve and will not tolerate abuse or constant mistreatment.

I have rights, and it is my responsibility to assert these rights.
The decisions I make and the way I conduct myself will reflect my high self-esteem.
My decisions will take into account my responsibilities to myself

Author unknown

IF JESUS CAME TO YOUR HOUSE

(By Lois Blanchard Eades)

If Jesus came to your house to spend a day or two,
If He came unexpectedly, I wonder what would you do.

Oh, I know you’d give your nicest room to such an honored Guest.
And all the food you’d serve to Him would be the very best,

And you would keep assuring Him you’re glad to have Him there,
That serving Him in your own home is joy beyond compare.

But, when you saw Him coming, would you meet Him at the door,
With arms outstretched in welcome to your heavenly Visitor?

Or would you have to change your clothes before you let Him in?
Or hide some magazines and put the Bible where they’d be seen?

Would you turn off the radio and hope He hadn’t heard?
And wish you hadn’t uttered that last, loud hasty word?

Would you hide your worldly music and put the hymn books out?
Could you let Jesus walk right in, or would you rush about?

And I wonder, if the Saviour spent a day or two with you.
Would you go right on doing the things you always do?

Would you go right on saying the things you always say?
Would life for you continue as it does from day to day?

Would your family conversation keep up its usual pace?
And would you find it hard each meal to say table grace?

Would you sing the songs you always sing and read the books you always read,
And let Him know the things on which your mind and spirit feed?

Would you take Jesus with your everywhere you’d planned to go?
Or would you, maybe, change your plans for just a day or so?

Would you be glad to have Him meet your very closest friends?
Or would you hope they’d stay away until His visit ends?

Would you sigh with great relief when He as last was gone? I
t might be interesting to know the things that you would do
If Jesus Christ in person came to spend some time with you.

Times of Refreshing the Women's Ministry of Chosen One Outreach Ministries

also visit

www.wherepeacefulwaters.com