HELPING MEN GROW SPIRITUALLY
By J. Lee Grady, editor of "Charisma" magazine

Many married women have a spouse who does not know the Lord or who lacks spiritual passion. They are often frustrated because they feel as if their husbands should take the lead in spiritual matters. Single women may feel this way about a father, brother or male friend. If this is your situation, you need to realize that the man you are concerned about is not responsible for your walk with God and that his lack of spirituality cannot prevent you from achieving spiritual maturity yourself. Instead of focusing on how he is falling short, help him by taking the these three steps:

1. Thank God for him.
He may not be a spiritual firebrand, but you can surely think of several positive qualities you see in him. Perhaps he is a good listener. Maybe he is an excellent handyman. When is the last time you thought about his unique skills, abilities and character traits? Or have you been fretting constantly about the fact that he doesn't measure up to your expectations?

Learn to focus your attention on his strengths so that you do not develop a bitter attitude toward him. If you allow yourself to become critical, you will actually hinder him from growing in his relationship with the Lord and put your relationship at risk, too.

The Bible often speaks about the power of a woman's words. You can be constructive or destructive, depending on whether you allow the Holy Spirit to temper your conversation and attitudes. Proverbs 14:1 says, "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands" (NASB).

No man enjoys being scrutinized and criticized by a woman if she offers constant complaining. A man's reaction to this negativity will always be to withdraw, to become passive or to seek intimacy and solace outside the home. A woman can actually drive a man away if she insists on constant faultfinding. So learn to thank the Lord for the man in your life, and then offer regular compliments and encouragement.

2. Ask God for a prayer strategy, and then pray for him consistently.
The Holy Spirit holds the answer to your husband's (father's, brother's) problems and challenges. Rather than striving in your own flesh to change his attitudes or to fuel his spiritual passion, let God do it. All you need to do is ask Him. Then simply believe that He is at work.

The person you care about may struggle spiritually because of some traumatic experience he has never told you about. He may have disqualified himself from ever being what he considers "a good Christian" because of something he did 20 years ago. Guilt and condemnation always cause a person to withdraw from God.

I have counseled with many men who face serious emotional and psychological problems. Because of the pressures from society (and the church) to appear strong, men tend to bury their hurts because to talk about them openly would be to admit failure. If they have been sexually abused or struggle with embarrassing sins, they may simply bury their pain and lose touch with their emotions.

This invariably will take its toll on a man's spiritual life. The guilt and shame associated with his unresolved problems will prevent him from enjoying a healthy relationship with God. When you pray for the man in your life, ask God to break through any shame or guilt that has created a wall of separation.

3. Encourage him to be in fellowship with other Christian men.
Many men carry a great deal of emotional baggage because they did not have fathers or because their fathers were distant, uninvolved or abusive. This baggage can create deep insecurities, fears or voids that can lead to depression, workaholism, alcoholism, sexual addictions and other problems. One of the best ways to overcome such problems is to link needy men with strong, emotionally mature men who can mentor and disciple them.

The man in your life may not be ready to get into a Christian men's group or a one-on-one mentoring relationship. But you can make this a priority in prayer. Ask God to bring a man into his life who can provide friendship and encouragement, and then wait and see what God does. Don't push him too fast.

As you follow these three steps, remember: You do not have to wait for the man you care about to catch up with you as you pursue God on your own. If you make your relationship with God a priority and learn to chase after Him with passion and diligence, you will be better equipped to inspire others -- including your husband, father and so on - to run with you.