How
to Know If You Are in an Abusive Relationship
Are you being
abused?
Ask
yourself these questions about your husband or boyfriend…
Are
you unable to use the phone freely—or are your phone calls, mail or
email monitored?
Are
you not allowed to have friends of your choice, or see friends or talk to
friends when you want to?
Does
your husband or boyfriend insist on controlling your finances, or giving
you “an allowance?” Does he keep you in the dark about the family
finances?
Does
he prevent you from working?
If
you work do you turn over your paycheck to your partner?
Does
he make major family decisions without your input or against your wishes?
Is
only your husband or boyfriend’s name on the car, house, checking
account, credit cards etc?
Are
you not allowed to drive, go to school, get a job or otherwise make major
life decisions for yourself?
Do
you have to account for your time? Does your husband or boyfriend have to
know where you have been, who you talked to, how long you were there? If
your husband or boyfriend calls you at home, does he expect you to always
be there?
Does
your husband or boyfriend require you to be back at a specified time?
Does
he use “manipulative kindness?” In other words, does he do things that
seem nice on the surface, but which are actually intended to control or
manipulate you (for example, he may say he doesn't want you to go
somewhere … because I’m worried you may get hurt—or he may
repeatedly say …I'm sorry after he is mean to you, but he does
not accept responsibility for his behavior or get real help for himself)?
Does/has
your husband or boyfriend hit you?
Does
your husband or boyfriend shove you?
Does
your husband or boyfriend show you weapons?
Does
your husband or boyfriend tell you how to dress?
Does
your husband or boyfriend kick or choke you?
Does your husband or boyfriend ever threaten to kill you or himself (if, for example, you ever leave him)?
Does
your husband or boyfriend punch the walls or break things in anger?
Does
your husband or boyfriend keep you from seeing your family?
Does
your husband or boyfriend call you names, mock you, make false
accusations?
Does
your husband or boyfriend blame you, yell, swear or make humiliating
remarks or gestures?
Does
your husband or boyfriend insist on his own way through using guilt or
sulking?
Does
your husband or boyfriend use other forms of intimidation, such as
breaking things?
Does
your husband or boyfriend threaten to withhold money if you don't do
things his way?
Does
your husband or boyfriend manipulate the children, try to turn them
against you or get them to “side with him” in disagreements?
Does
your husband or boyfriend twist or misuse scriptures to justify
controlling, bullying or mistreating either you or the children? Does he
insist that you "submit" to his desires without respecting your
opinions?
Does
your husband accuse of you not being a good Christian (wife) if you
disagree with him?
Does
your husband or boyfriend believe that it is his God given right and
responsibility to "keep you in line"?
Does
he act like a very different person at work or at church so that no one
knows or believes that he is bully at home?
Have
you told Christian friends or your pastor about what is happening, only to
have them not believe you or even blame you for your husband's behavior?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IF YOU HAVE ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, THEN YOU
MAY BE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.
God
does not want or expect you to be abused verbally, emotionally or
physically. This type of abuse will get worse over time. It never stops
without a very significant long-term intervention. The person who is
abusing you must accept responsibility, want help, genuinely repent and
"become a new person" in order to change. This is a lifelong
process. In the meantime, nothing is more important than the safety of you
and your children!! You cannot make your abuser change, since you are the
object of his abuse. However, help is available for everyone in your
family.
Please call the … National
Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) …
or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
Additional Reading :
IT'S NOT RIGHT, AND IT'S NOT OK